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Lamb Of God’s Randy Blythe: “I DO NOT BOOK OUR TOURS”

@lambvox @lambofgodband As any band involved with social media can attest, every tour announcement comes with an outcry of “why are you not playing my city?” Lamb Of God‘s Randy Blythe has opened up on that via his Twitter, offering:

“To all the people yelling, whining, & bitching at ME for our tour not coming to yer town & asking “Why not?”- I DON’T KNOW WHY NOT. I DO NOT BOOK OUR TOURS. There’s a guy you HAVE to hire when you reach a certain level- he’s called a BOOKING AGENT. He routes the tour, he deals with promoters, he gets the tour package the best offers he can for the tour. I have neither the time, the inclination, the inate skill for dealing with this shit, nor do I have the contacts or resources.

We as band do not sit around, look at a proposed tour routing check the dates, & then say: “Kalamazoo MI?!?!? FUCK THAT! Tell ‘em we ain’t coming to their town! NO WAY- fuck those guys!” We agree to a tour, the length we are willing to be away from home (because we got, like families & stuff, ya know? Like any other type of folks), THEN THE BOOKING AGENT & MANAGEMENT handle the rest. I haven’t booked a show since the van days of Burn the Priest.

I booked a lot of our shows hrough people I knew in the punk/hc scene- they were house shows, etc. The other guys booked shows too- we booked our own tours. But I can’t do that now. Don’t have contacts at the level required, & also I HAVE ZERO DESIRE TO BE A BOOKING AGENT. If I booked a tour now, it would look like this: 30 days, 15 shows. Probably all in The South. Day off every other day to go skateboarding, fishing, & book shopping.

Venues would be crusty punk basements. BYOB. No merch because fuck it, I don’t feel like dealing with it. No fucking autograph signings, only skateboard sessions. Massive amounts of coffee on the rider- that’s it. No cell phones allowed at show, not because I am worried about my picture being taken, but because you need to be watching the band not yer fucking 2 inch screen. Free food at every show.

Fighting is not only allowed, it’s encouraged. Bail bondsman business cards will be issued at door. Smoking allowed inside, except fucking weed cuz that shit stinks to me. Smoke it outside. LOG’s set will be 45 mins, and not one second over, because I hate watching most bands for more than that. I will not ask the audience if they are “having a good time”, I will instead throw handfuls of M80s at anyone who looks like they are bored. That’s my tour. That’s how I would do it. We would be broke, probably drunk & an drugs, injured, & lost. Wow- sounds like BTP days…”

COMMENTS

46
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    • aenima3473     May 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

      I think he just likes to hear himself talk. Not sure if it’s connected with him yet but as a heavy metal singer people are going to give a shit about him and ask questions like that. He’s got two options in my opinon get over himself and find some respect for his fans or quit being a famous heavy metal singer and be left in peace. Whatever he does id perfer he save the screaming and bitching for his shows.

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    • Here’s a though, Randy, you fucking douche bag: Maybe people are BITCHING because they enjoy your bands music and are upset over the fact that you aren’t coming to their town. You complain about other peoples bitching by writing five paragraphs worth of bitching? Go fuck yourself.

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      • damn (your mom's balls)     May 14, 2012 at 6:15 pm

        “Fighting is not only allowed, it’s encouraged. Bail bondsman business cards will be issued at door. Smoking allowed inside, except fucking weed cuz that shit stinks to me. Smoke it outside. LOG’s set will be 45 mins, and not one second over, because I hate watching most bands for more than that. I will not ask the audience if they are “having a good time”, I will instead throw handfuls of M80s at anyone who looks like they are bored. That’s my tour. That’s how I would do it. We would be broke, probably drunk & an drugs, injured, & lost. Wow- sounds like BTP days…”

        This fucking paragraph makes me want to kick him in the nuts so hard.

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    • so full of ego…
      still wondering, why the fuck do ppl like this band?? even more now since he started vomiting shit in public!!?
      isn’t it obvious that he could care less about anything but himself?… shouldn’t some metalheads stop asking for tour dates and start occupying Lamb Of God??

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      • Darkdevout     May 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

        Just because a member of a band runs his mouth doesn’t mean the band sucks, like look at Danzig? he’s an asshole but the first 2 misfit records still rock.

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        • I see your point dude, but if the other band members don’t say a word and let him rant like a girl on her period then something is rotten in the state of denmark!!
          I’ve been in bands when I was younger, and everytime there was an ego problem we’d make it go away very quickly… I never made money out of music, but aside from that financial reason I don’t see why anyone would put up with an asshole bandmember… unless the other members identify with him and/or feel the same way about themselves! Hence my previous question…

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    • southpawchew     May 14, 2012 at 8:38 pm

      boohooo no one buys my records blahh blah blah bitch bitch bitch i am sure its the industrys fault not the fact that i piss everyone the fuck off…..

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    • Randy, thanks for reminding me to buy the new Manson album. I totally forgot it dropped last Tuesday. I wish you would have reminded me about the Meshuggah concert that I had tickets for and missed last night. Now I have to call in sick to work and drive 8 hours to Chicago to see them.

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    • LunyAlex     May 15, 2012 at 2:07 am

      This post looks so much like one of those Bad stand-up comedy acts, where the crowd is cued to laugh by employees with signs in their hands.
      *Standup artist yells*
      “I DO NOT BOOK OUR TOURS”
      *Crowd laughs*
      “FUCK ALL O’THAT SHIT MAN!”
      *Crowd laughs again*

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    • tentonwolf     May 15, 2012 at 7:02 am

      Somebody take this dude’s laptop away already, love the band/music but this guy is really getting to be too much. I know I complained and still rightfully so. I like the band, they’re not playing anything close by so naturally I’m going to gripe. Dude should know that any of us half-wits aren’t implying that he or other band members arrange the touring etc, most of us could surely imagine how disastrous it would be if they let Randy take the reigns and when bitching that a band isn’t coming I’m not expecting anything to be done about it mmmmkay, I live in the real world but if I want to bitch just for the sake of bitching I’m going to fucking do it. It’s cathartic, asshole.

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    • But Randy….the weed stinks so……good!!!! (touches nipples)

      The fact that he thinks weed should be smoked outside and anything else inside (presumably cigarettes and meth) is enough reason for me to disregard this noise he’s spouting off yet again.

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    • BloodyBoneKummer     May 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

      “Smoking allowed inside, except fucking weed cuz that shit stinks to me. Smoke it outside.”

      Must be getting some super shitty weed then bro, the kush I have currently smells like fruity pebbles cotton candy..
      And oh yes, the chemical laden Marlboro’s of the 2010′s smell fucking wonderful.

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    • queefdemon     May 16, 2012 at 6:00 am

      My old band played a show with this dudes side project “Halo of Locusts” back in 08. I am not a fan of LOG, never have been, but a friend of mine who couldn’t make it to the show is a big fan.

      After my bands set, I went over to the bar where Randy was hanging out to ask him to sign something for me friend and he was a rude douche. He ended up signing eventually, but he was just a dildo, not a cool person at all so all this twitter bullshit doesn’t come as a surprise.

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