Dear Keith Buckley,

It has come to my attention that you have started hanging out with and – as the kids say – ‘jamming’ with other famous people in the metal community. Although your efforts should be commended, it is worth noting that the crowds you are playing for, (especially during your set on The “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” T.V program), consist of overweight asian fellows and polkadot wearing middle-aged women. Now I am in no position to judge your decisions but as a fan of your music and documented hijinks, I must urge you to drop everything you are doing now and continue your work with ETID. Trust me, it’s just better that way.

Sincerely,
Kent Brockman